(ÆRLIGE KVINDEKROPPE) by Heidi Maxmilling, which was published at the end of 2022.

The title is:
Your body is your partner - not an opponent, and I've been allowed to publish the entire chapter here, along with the photos Heidi took of me for the book.

For a few years leading up to and after my stress collapse, my reflection changed so much that I couldn't recognise the person I saw in the mirror. The almost disappearing eyebrows. Fluid build-up on my face (and body). Dull eyes and immense tiredness. Dry hair that fell out in clumps. Uncontrollable appetite and huge weight gain (around 10 kilos in a year). And behind the mirror: Constipation and thin stomach in turn. Abdominal pain. Crying spells, especially during physical exertion. Pain in all my joints. Exhaustion that I tried to drown out with energy drinks first thing in the morning. Memory loss. Mood swings. Anxiety attacks at the thought of the pile of tasks piling up. Volapyk leaving my lips instead of words - especially during (heavy) menstruation.

I could only see these as clear signs that my body was working against me. And the more I tried to take control of it and the weight, the more violent the reactions became. I saw no way to loosen the reins. It felt like struggling to keep the door closed to a closet overflowing with clothes.

If I didn't keep the pressure constant, it would all spill out onto the floor!
"And then I'll end up like my grandma!" thoughts whipped through my head. The pictures of my grandmother as a young woman showed a slender beauty, but I only remember her as the heavy, round, soft woman who died of cardiovascular disease many decades before my 100-year-old healthy and agile grandfather.

It didn't take many months of strict diets, too little sleep, overtraining and energy drinks before my body responded with a complete stress collapse. How could I have let it get this far?
I learnt this when I set out to understand more about how stress affects our physiology, which led to my current career, where I advise women on how vital it is to maintain or strengthen our muscle mass - through stress-free training that gives more energy than it takes and rebuilds the connection between body and brain.

In modern pain research, experiments have been conducted in which a person who has had pain in a specific body part (say, the right hand) is asked to participate in a test. Based on images in different positions, the subject has to tell whether the hand they see is the right or the left. It was often seen that the person recognised their pain-free hand in 100% of cases. While the hand that hurt was recognised to a much lesser extent. This is probably an expression of the fact that we consciously or unconsciously avoid moving a body part that we have pain or discomfort in and around - and then the brain's map of this body part becomes blurred and incomplete, making it difficult to recognise.

It can also be a sign that the pain - or frustration with the consequences of the pain - is so great that the brain's survival mechanism is to "separate" that body part from the overall body image. We can end up distancing ourselves even further from the body when it hurts, both physically and mentally, because when you don't like a part of your body - don't want to look at it or touch it - the brain can't feel or recognise it.
And what you don't recognise is hard to love. It becomes a vicious circle where the switch from the neck down becomes harder and harder to switch on.
But we can't separate head and body like that. They are connected.

Every year I survey my (female) customers about their relationship with their bodies, and I got goosebumps when I read that of the almost 2,500 women who responded to the last survey, only 6.34% did not experience a strained relationship with their body. A whopping 71% feel uncomfortable with their stomach and want to lose weight!

But a better relationship with our bodies doesn't come through whips and strict regimes. It can't be fuelled by dieting, shame and scolding. The way to a body - and a reflection - that hurts less is by re-establishing the connection between body and brain: Feeling your body. Feeling yourself. Because if the intention is punishment - and the starting point is an alienated body - then it's no wonder it's so difficult to stick to a good exercise routine or diet plan in the long run. Even if they produce good results.

Fortunately, in this day and age, the message of body positivism and self-love is gaining momentum, with a greater diversity of bodies in the media and an acceptance of natural fluctuations and conditions. However, I meet women every day where the road from disgust, discomfort and the feeling of being wrong in their own body to self-love and acceptance seems overwhelmingly long.
Many women who start a programme with me simply lack concrete techniques to get in better contact with their body. Techniques that are important to learn, regardless of whether you are among those who experience their body as a daily obstacle or whether you generally appreciate your body but experience discomfort such as bloating, appetite regulation challenges, incontinence, pain, stress symptoms or fatigue.

Many women also lack knowledge about how the body works and what the different signals can mean (e.g. increased need to urinate, insatiable appetite, food cravings, reluctance to move, numbness, involuntary urination). They may also have lost the ability to recognise where their body's limits are - so they only stop when the limits have long since been exceeded. I've been there myself.

For your brain to re-familiarise itself with the body or the alienated body part so that it can integrate it back into the overall body consciousness. You need to teach your brain that touch, movement, muscle tension and force development in this area does not trigger pain, discomfort or shame. This requires finding the right exercise or touch with the right intensity, at the right pace and in the right range of motion that you can perform without (more) pain or discomfort.

An important part of retraining the brain-body connection is to provide the body with different stimuli such as sensation, movement, muscle tension, force development in the right amount, intensity and frequency.

Because strength training can do all of the above in a minimum amount of time.
However, strength training should be micro-dosed so that it provides more energy than it takes away and so that you can easily do it regularly.
My strength training - micro workouts of as little as 5 minutes a day - is an indispensable luxury in my everyday life and as integral as brushing my teeth or caring for my skin. However, it took me a few years to realise the impact our self-image and body awareness have on both our overall stress levels and our physique. And the other way round.

But it was a huge relief to realise that my body could regulate itself without me having to watch it like a hawk. If I just took the time to touch it, move it, tense it, relax it, it could actually take care of itself. I just needed to address some specific but simple needs - and understand the concept of "appropriate disturbance", i.e. an effort that is large enough to create the desired effect, but small enough that it is not perceived by the nervous system as a threat or an unnecessary discharge.

And it is the realisation that my physical and mental abilities go hand in hand with respect for my daily form that has allowed me to accept that I can't do the same in periods of pressure as I can in periods of energy. But as long as I adapt my efforts to my level of energy and as long as I focus on strength above all else, I don't experience the same major fluctuations in my physique as I did when I was desperately trying to keep all the balls in the air, no matter how many more came my way.

I look in the mirror every day because the body needs to be seen - not judged, not assessed, just seen - as much as it needs to be felt and touched. To stay connected.

I notice if my body is with me or if I've been taking advantage of it and need to take care of my basic needs. I note changes in my day and practice doing so without being judgemental or evaluative, without comparing myself to others or to myself in another phase of my life. But with the realisation that my body is adapting as best it can to the circumstances I'm in right now.

I would be lying if I said that I immediately welcome all bodily changes. For example, I have had to get used to the fact that my breasts have changed shape after breastfeeding my two children - and I have considered doing something about them. But because my mum died of breast cancer, I will never do anything other than accept them as they are. Because it's actually easier to get a mammogram when your breasts are soft and flat.

Most of all, what I see in the mirror is freedom.
Because as long as I'm mentally and physically strong, everything becomes easier.
My body plays with me and not against me, and I can run after my kids without getting out of breath, carry loads without collapsing and have the energy to live life in fifth gear instead of treading water in first gear.